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"You know you're in trouble when..."

...Your character is smacking monsters around with his long bow because you forgot to buy him arrows.

...The GM says "We'll roll for the cleric's save after we see if you survive what just came out of the hut."

...You're pretty sure sure you can take on that dracolich and the beholder corps in under ten rounds just 'cause did it before in one of those MUD games.

...You learn that the drunk loser that you've been bragging to about how you've been tricking the Thieves' Guild all those years is actually a spy for them.

...Your character spends all of his time in the town gaol because of bar-room brawls.

...The party's only cleric dies five minutes into the game.

...The GM is drunker than you are.

...Your party has spent the last three combat rounds fighting a powerful demon, and you've all been pumping your most powerful magical spells and devices on him, and then the GM says "Oops, wait, I forgot to roll for his magic resistance."

...Your GM gets a huge grin on his face when you improperly word a wish spell.

...The only artifact your party has ever found makes you all lepers.

...You have just been caught stealing the GM's last slice of pizza.

...Everytime you read an unfamiliar scroll out loud, you end up summoning some angry greater demon or devil.

...Your entire party gets held in the very first round of combat.

...The party mage has killed more players than monsters by misjudging fireball ranges and that's the only spell he has memorized.

...The GM asks to borrow everyones d20's when rolling for the damage you just took.

...After the the party's mage casts fireball and wipes out the kobolds, he suddenly notices the patch of brown mold in the corner.

...Your GM often does Beavis and Butthead impersonations for his major NPCs, and then names them after the characters in the show.

...Vorpal weapons are pretty common in your campaign.

...The mad wizard you've been hunting performs genetic engineering on tarrasques for a hobby.

...Your GM rolls a 3 on the d20, and says "it's a HIT!"

...Half the characters in your party are neutral good dark-elf rangers.

...You spill some of your drink on an old guy in robes... and you're in Shadowdale.

...You also spill some on his companion, a silver-haired woman in ragged robes.

...Your GM usually rolls for random encounters out of the Legends And Lore book.

...The GM-controlled NPCs always seem to be the only people to survive the adventure.

...The GM telles the only party member wearing the scarab of protection to roll a save versus death.

...The dwarven fighter decides that his only option is to use a wand of wonder.

...You suddenly realize that you're standing between two beholders...of different subspecies.

...The GM and the kender have been passing notes all night.

...When even the paladin says "Uh, well, I guess we should kill them all."

...The GM is drinking scotch... straight up.

...When before you even start going in the dungeon the GM says "Everyone make four saving throws and I'll use them later."

...You're playing a 1st-level paladin in Ravenloft.

...Your GM asks you if you know how to pronounce "tarrasque".

...Your party announces your plan of attack after a twenty minute planning session, and the GM shakes his head and says "OK, if you're sure that's how you want to do it..."

...You suddenly notice that all those kobolds are carrying guns.

...The GM gets out the old edition of Deities And Demigods -- the one with the Cthulhu Mythos in it.

...That nearsighted gold dragon mistakes you for an orc.

...Everytime someone mentions the name of a god, tannar'ri, or baatezu, you hear the sound of percentile dice being rolled.

...The Doomguard faction in Sigil have found a portal leading to modern-day Earth and have discovered nuclear weaponry.

...Anytime The GM says "Roll a save versus disintergration."

...Your GM says "Uh, who was in front and what's his AC?"

...If you are anywhere in Module H4 "Throne Of Bloodstone". (See next two entries.)

...The GM is handing out pregenrated 100th-level characters, and is grinning about it.

...The GM says "Tonights mission is to travel to the Abyss, steal the Wand of Orcus and destroy it."

...The half-ogre standing in the middle of the party, the one with the 18/00 Strength and the double specialization in the double-baded battle axe, fails his save versus a symbol of discord.

...You bully the teenaged girl NPC for laughs, and then discover that she has spellfire.

...The merchant you are negotiating with asks you if you wouldn't mind signing the contract in blood.

...The party's mage casts a dispel magic to disarm a trap in the villain's lair... and also dispels the permament illusion that was blocking your view of the basilisk cage.

...The party is munchkined out with every magic item in the multiverse, and ememy archmage casts Mordenkainen's disjunction.

...You voluntarily allow a kender anywhere near the party.

...You automatically attack any drow you see because "they're all evil," and then you go adventuring through Icewind Dale.

...You find a ring of three wishes... and your GM goes to law school in real life.

...The wizard, without informing the rest of the party, decides to cast a lightning bolt at the approaching stone golem.

...Between adventures, the party's fighter switches over to become a paladin and the formally neutral wizard decides to embrace the Dark Side. (note: this actually happened.)

...The only person who spends more time in prison then the thief is the priest.

...The GM tells the thief that he detected no traps while trying to suppress a smirk.

...Anytime the GM makes a soft growling noise in the back of his throat.

...Notes have been flying furiously between the GM and all the players but you.

...The GM wants to try for an "all evil" campaign.

...You game with my group.

Contributed by Charles Brouillette and Raptor4A, via Usenet

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