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Men In Black

The Rats in Black

 


       
 
Date: 03/15/98

To: All Agents, all offices
cc: All supervisors, all offices

From: Zed, MiB HQ

Re: Voluntary Missions

Message: Okay. As of today, missions are no longer voluntary. We had a policy of giving agents the option to not take a hazardous mission, but that policy is now null and void

Agents J and K recently stumbled onto a Bug, in an unrelated mission, and attempted to bring it in. Unfortunately, that had to kill it in the apprehension attempt. Since Bugs are normally disguised as redneck hicks, and West Virginia has an overabundance of said hicks, many agents refused to take on a simple investigation of a hick in W.V.

When Agent R finally took the mission (I really LOVE rookies, by the way), it was discovered the hick we were investigating was a relatively harmless, albeit excessively pyromaniacal, Dorrom. He just wanted to blow up a few stray cattle, old outhouses, and abandoned vehicles to Kingdom Come, and not harm anyone. He was even using Terran explosives to keep the mess to a minimum.

We were alerted to his presence when a neighbor complained to the police about the noise (and cow innards scattered for miles). RiB Agent Samson (you all REALLY have to stop naming the Neo-Verminoids. It just gives them a sense of permanence that just doesn't exist) intercepted the call, and reported to HQ. We are still trying to clean the . . . ahem . . . stains from Agent R's suit. But I'm straying from the point a bit.

All missions, no matter how dangerous, are mandatory. If I, or any other supervisor gives you an assignment, it is because we trust you are capable to handle it. Contrary to popular rumor, we are not, repeat, NOT trying to thin our ranks. If we were going to, we'd just neuralize the whole bunch of you, and drop you off in Yellowstone Park (by the way, Agent L. Your vacation was approved. See Agent B as soon as it is convenient.).

Please direct an questions to Brak in the Roswell office. Thank you.

   
       
       

 

       
  Date: 03/17/98

To: Zed, at MiB HQ
cc: All supervisors, all offices; all Agents, all offices

From: Agent R1187, aka Milquetoast, in the Denver office

Re: Treatment of the Neo-Verminoids

Message: I recently saw the message about voluntary missions, and may I say it is about time. As far as we RiB are concerned, we are born for the express purpose of taking life-threatening missions, so turning down an assignment is simply not an option for us. However, since all the ladies, gentlemen, and others, currently working for the MiB are volunteers, these risky missions should be par-for-the-course. I mean, they have already signed their lives over to the Agency, right?

But, I digress. As the duly elected representative for the Neo-Verminoids (for this week, anyway. We noticed the disappearance of Agent R53 after that last memo), I protest strongly that we have no permanence in the Agency. Without us, you could never nab half the undulating aliens you do from the ventilators of the Mile High Stadium, here in Denver, the Empire State Building, the Statue of Liberty, the UN Building, or the World Trade Center, in NYC, just to name a few. And Agent R34 has been around a while. He's the longest lived RiB to date! He's been on countless missions, and even has a "Teacher Barbie" desk that he uses. Not to mention a really cool Baltian sized cel phone that he uses to keep in touch with the ASPC-- I mean, with HQ

We are valuable members of the Mib force, ad aside from occasional lapses of memory, we do jus--uhm... What was I saying? Oh yeah, that's i As I was saying, we would like to get several wheels of cheese delivered to our offices, and a half-ton of mashed potato flakes.

The sooner we ge out cheese and potatoes, the sooner our morale will improve. We may be asexual rats, but we DO have needs. Thank you.

   
       
       

 

       
  Date: 03/18/98

To: All supervisors in the Denver office
cc: All Agents in the Denver office

From: Zed

Re: Memo from Agent R1187

Message: Who the HELL gave my memo on voluntary missions to the RiB?!? Whoever was responsible will get a regular neuralization, ever time he is assigned a Neo-Verminoid. Please see to it. As well, please attempt to figure out who gave that rat a cel phone and a working word processor. The same regiment should be followed for that agent.

The cheese and potatoes are on the way. Please tell the rats. Don't want their morale to sink any further, now do we? AND WILL YOU PLEASE STOP NAMING THEM?!?!? Thank you.

   
       
       

 

       
  Date: 03/18/98

To: Zed, MiB HQ

From: Agent L, Dever office

Re: Memo from Agent R1187

Message: I would just like to point out that we get our Neo-Verminoids shipped to us from the Portland office. Our requisition for a Rat-O-Matic was refused, based on various infractions our office had in the neuralization of the local sheriff's office.

Additionally, I would like to protest the accusations that we, being of sound mind, would ever allow our RiB to get their paws on a word processor. Or a cel phone. I would like to point out that rats, hyper-intelligent or not, ARE scavengers. If they want it, they'll get it.

Also, I would like to request, once again, that we go to an inter-office e-mail system. If we had that, we wouldn't need to worry over the RiB getting their grimy little paws on sensitive information like these memos.

Please consider it, Zed. Thank you.

   
       
       

 

       
  Date: 03/20/98

To: Agent L, Denver office
cc: All Agents, all offices; all supervisors, all offices

From: Agent R176, aka, Rosebud

Re: RiB treatment, and inter-office communications

Message: Agent L, please kindly refrain from speaking of the RiB in such a derogatory manner. Most RiB Agents' paws are clean, and certainly are not grimy. I would ask you to not refer to us in such a manner again. We have feelings too.

As Agent R1187 pointed out, we are very valuable to the MiB organization, and we are offended by the assertion that we are not worthy to read inter-office communiquéés. We do too much for the agency to be told we are just "equipment". Are the Annelids treated this way? I don't think so.

All we want is equal treatment as valuable members of this Agency. Thank you.

   
       
       

 

       
  Date: 03/21/98

To: All Agents, all offices
cc: All supervisors, all offices

From: Zed, MiB HQ

Re: RiB treatment and inter-office communications

Message: That clinches it! All RiB are to be neuralized, and every office will begin using an electronic memo system.

RiB are EQUIPMENT! Yes, they are cute, and yes, they are useful, but they are NOT on the same level of the Annelids, no matter what they think.

Supervisors, please refer to the MiB Manual, and re-train all your agents as to how the RiB are to be treated.

AND FOR THE LAST TIME, STOP NAMING THEM!!!!! Thank you!

   
       
       

 

       
  Date: 05/10/98

To: All Agents, all offices
cc: All supervisors, all offices

From: Zed, MiB HQ

Re: Inter-office communication

Message: As of today, we will be returning to the old fashioned "carrier pigeon" method of inter-office communications. The e-mail system worked fine until we realized, thanks to Billy Liefenhaus, our system, technologically advanced or not, could be hacked into, and the fewer things we have "floating" in the ether, the better our security is. The twins have a hard enough time keeping tabs on security breaches; no need to add to the possibility of such breaches in the future. Agents are currently on-route to Billy's residence in Chillicoothe, Iowa, to see if either neuralization is needed, or if it will be necessary to add young Mr. Liefenhaus to our Agents roster.

On a note of mission priority, when you see suspected alien activity, related or unrelated to your current mission, follow up on it. The worst that will happen is that your assignment will be delayed or assigned to other agents.

Also, we have a sighting of Elvis. Not "the" Elvis, but Elvis Aaron Brooker. He was last seen in Ohio by a group of agents (I hesitate to say "being led" by Agent H, from our own office here in NY. Keep your eyes open. He seems to be holding a grudge, and has, from the sketchy report, grown in strength.

That's all for now.

   
       
       

 

The Rats In Black, or RiB or Neo-Verminoids, were first introduced on pages 31-33 of the Men In Black role-playing game accessory, The Alien Recognition Guide Vol. 1. They were so cool, however, that they had to be made into a PC race.

To recap, a Rat in Black is basically a biological roboticized/genetically altered Norwegian rat, 7" - 10" long plus tail, and generally under 10 ounces in weight, with prehensile front paws, a human intelligence, black fur, and wearing a tiny pair or Ray-Ban sunglasses and a watch. A Rat in Black RiB are typically quite cute, since they are pedigreed rats, not street rats, and are usually pretty smart. RiB designations are the letter R, followed by two or more numbers.

RiB are created, not born, using a device known as a Rat-O-Matic. Not every office has a Rat-O-Matic, though. A MiB can program the desired abilities into the Rat-O-Matic, and phwooop! out pops a Rat in Black. The Rats cannot reproduce. They are totally sexless, lacking genitalia altogether. They are not particularly happy about that.

A MiB (and more generally, his or her entire team) may only be assigned a single RiB at any given time. MiB are strongly discouraged from naming their Rats, getting into deep, philosophical conversations with them, or becoming emotionally attached to them and considering them people and not as equipment, which they really are. Rats are disposable resources, no matter what they say.

The Rats have been programmed to not feel discomfort or pain. This does not stop them from griping, though. The Rats are technically immortal. The don't die of old age, and if they get injured (sorry, damaged) beyond repair, the Rat's handler can just go to the nearest Rat-O-Matic and program it to create the same rat again, amazingly enough, with all the same memories. It's usually more desirable though to simply get a new rat, or to try to get a human or alien sidekick.

When the Rats in Black were invented, they were designed to have a human intellect in a rat-sized brain. This led to some... difficulties, at least with the memory centers of their brain. Sometimes they lack short term memory, sometimes they lack long term memory. Fortunately, their memory losses are rare. In addition, they also have a peculiar psychosis. They all want to be humans, in the worst way. They are not totally without special abilities, though. They can squeeze through a crack as small as a quarter, and can crawl the pipes the width of a half-dollar.

In addition, their Vicious Big Nasty Teeth do Strength+1D damage.

The Rats are too small to use most weapons. The only weapon that they can handle and fire with any ease is the Noisy Cricket, assuming their handlers are gullible or desperate enough to let them have it. Watch out for the recoil, though!

The Rats In Black come with whatever skills they are needed to have. Here, though, are three templates for RiB characters: The spy, the hacker, and (shudder) the demolitions expert.

 


RiB Intelligence Agent (Spy)
Reflexes: 3D
Dodge; Jumping; Climbing; Hand-to-Paw Combat

Coordination: 4D+2
Lockpicking; Marksmanship

Knowledge: 3D
Alien Tech; Computer Ops; First Aid; First Aid specialization: Rats; Linguistics

Strength: 2D
Rolling

Endurance: 3D
Running; Resist Pain; Swimming

Charisma: 2D+1
Charm; Persuasion

Perception: 4D
Hide; Surveillance; Conceal; Sneak; Tracking; Shadowing; Security

Confidence: 2D
Willpower; Streetwise; Survival; Survival specialization: Ventilation Systems; Con

 


RiB Computer Tech Agent (Hacker)
Reflexes: 2D
Dodge; Jumping; Climbing

Coordination: 4D
Lockpicking; Marksmanship

Knowledge: 5D
Alien Tech; Computer Ops; First Aid; First Aid specialization: Rats

Strength: 1D
Rolling

Endurance: 3D
Running; Resist Pain; Swimming

Charisma: 2D
Charm

Perception: 4D
Hide; Surveillance; Conceal; Sneak; Tracking

Confidence: 2D
Willpower; Streetwise; Survival; Survival specialization: Ventilation Systems

 


RiB Demolitions Agent
Reflexes: 2D+2
Dodge; Jumping; Climbing

Coordination: 3D+1
Lockpicking; Marksmanship

Knowledge: 3D
Alien Tech; Computer Ops; Demolitions; First Aid; First Aid specialization: Rats

Strength: 2D
Rolling

Endurance: 4D
Running; Resist Pain; Swimming; Resist Illness

Charisma: 3D
Charm

Perception: 2D+2
Hide; Surveillance; Conceal; Sneak; Tracking

Confidence: 3D+1
Willpower; Streetwise; Survival; Survival specialization: Ventilation Systems


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